Every Friday, NPR (National Public Radio) broadcasts one story captured in the StoryCorps project. Booths are set up around the country and people can use them to record conversations with each other. The stories are then archived at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C.
Here is today's podcast.
My entire day changed after I heard this. A new perspective took over. I was suddenly acutely aware of a cloud of self-pity that bring along with me, and I didn't like it. I don't mean the regular old self-pity that is part of the natural process of grieving or even just life in general. I mean the lifestyle of self-pity that I have drug around with me in life, blaming others in most situations where I fail to meet expectations, spending hours and hours trying to figure out what's wrong with me so I can be better, when really there's nothing wrong with me more than is wrong with you or anybody else.
I'm talking about the attitude that life owes me something because I'm unhappy with situations I've been in or angry because of things I think I've not been given.
When I hear people in such drastic situations as this man, who are positive and grateful, even if it's just in that moment, I can suddenly hear the world's smallest violin playing in my head while my thoughts race on the litany of woes in my life obsess over who's to blame.
I'm so grateful I saw it today! I caught myself and stopped. That's the miracle.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
Blessing #36 for 2015: First Thursday in Boise!
Every month I tell myself gee, it would be so nice to go to First Thursday this month. And almost every month I am so tired by Thursday night that monotonously go to the gym to home to dinner to the TV to bed. It's very exciting (Later, by the way, I have been known to throw myself a pity party lamenting my lack of a social life).
Not so tonight. A friend from church and I have been trying to get together for months. When I realized we could do First Thursday (where business in downtown Boise stay open late; there is often free food and beverage, tasting and music) together I hesitated. AGAIN. "Poor me, I'll be tired. I have to go to bed at 5:45 so I can get up and go to school (do you hear the world's smallest violin playing?). I ignored my doubts and we made plans.
Turns out I looked forward to this all week! It's so fun to have outings on school nights- I always feel like I'm going to get in trouble mixed with the excitement of getting to have a sleepover on a school night (which I got to do once when my friend's parents were out of town).
We met at Java and dove right in. Within 30 minutes we were all caught up on our travels and adventures and fully engaged in lessons learned in the past few months and days. We wandered around downtown. We saw art, jewelry, tasted amazing olive oils and vinegars (at a place called Olivin), each had a bag of free fries from the Boise Fry Company and listened to a great band called Bread and Circus. And I stayed out till almost 9 o'clock! On a school night!
Being out with her reminds me of how much time I spend fretting and energy I expend [read: waste] managing and controlling my life to get all the boxes checked off my list so that I will be happy when really the happy is right now, in this very spot, in this very circumstance with these people. Happy is not a goal I am striving for, it is a byproduct of living in this present with integrity and honesty. I am so grateful I am able to be present with others but more importantly, with myself, today.
Not so tonight. A friend from church and I have been trying to get together for months. When I realized we could do First Thursday (where business in downtown Boise stay open late; there is often free food and beverage, tasting and music) together I hesitated. AGAIN. "Poor me, I'll be tired. I have to go to bed at 5:45 so I can get up and go to school (do you hear the world's smallest violin playing?). I ignored my doubts and we made plans.
Turns out I looked forward to this all week! It's so fun to have outings on school nights- I always feel like I'm going to get in trouble mixed with the excitement of getting to have a sleepover on a school night (which I got to do once when my friend's parents were out of town).
We met at Java and dove right in. Within 30 minutes we were all caught up on our travels and adventures and fully engaged in lessons learned in the past few months and days. We wandered around downtown. We saw art, jewelry, tasted amazing olive oils and vinegars (at a place called Olivin), each had a bag of free fries from the Boise Fry Company and listened to a great band called Bread and Circus. And I stayed out till almost 9 o'clock! On a school night!
Being out with her reminds me of how much time I spend fretting and energy I expend [read: waste] managing and controlling my life to get all the boxes checked off my list so that I will be happy when really the happy is right now, in this very spot, in this very circumstance with these people. Happy is not a goal I am striving for, it is a byproduct of living in this present with integrity and honesty. I am so grateful I am able to be present with others but more importantly, with myself, today.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Blessing #35: A relationship restored
Loving my job today!
I don't want to be very specific, but it goes generally like this: a student was struggling in class who didn't used to struggle in class. We talked it out, I made a few changes, we did class. Afterwards the student thanked me and reported feeling really good about class and feeling successful. Hurrah!
Our relationship has been restored, but even better. We were able to articulate our needs and adjust the way we did things. I learned so much from this one incident:
I don't want to be very specific, but it goes generally like this: a student was struggling in class who didn't used to struggle in class. We talked it out, I made a few changes, we did class. Afterwards the student thanked me and reported feeling really good about class and feeling successful. Hurrah!
Our relationship has been restored, but even better. We were able to articulate our needs and adjust the way we did things. I learned so much from this one incident:
- how to work through a tough situation with a student;
- that students really do want to learn and have a good idea of what they need to do so;
- that my relationships with my students are super important to me and
- that I can absolutely feel it when there is a disturbance in the force and that
- I should listen to that disturbance and root it out.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Day #33: I've been single for 2 years!
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| Source: http://studiomothers.com/2013/02/22/meme-of-the-week-2/ |
Since then I have
- felt crazy lonely
- felt crazy happy
- felt despair
- been afraid to go home because I was terrified to be alone
- felt incredible joy sitting alone in my house
- had my insides scraped out & healed by God
- been to Eastern Europe by myself
- been to Ireland by myself
- navigated from Heathrow to Central run in Hyde Park in London!
- London and back all by myself
- seen the Hungarian Parliament building at night in Budapest
- lost self-consciousness
- discovered I'm pretty funny
- cried a lot. A. LOT.
- run my fastest marathon ever!
- started a Masters degree
- dressed up [as Miss Piggy] for Halloween for the first time since I was a kid
- found confidence as a teacher
- had flowers delivered from an known source
- learned how to be a friend
- lost people
- found people
- stopped using people
- started appreciating myself
- found confidence as a person
- learned how to drive up to Bogus in the snow all by myself
- learned how to grill
- am learning how to stand up for myself
- read Anna Karenina! ALL of it!
- painted my back room
- took 2 carloads of stuff to the Youth Ranch
- found out I don't need to be afraid
- found out other people can be trusted
- found out other people are not out to get me
- learned to enjoy my own company
- learned my opinion counts
- learned my life matters
- learned that I matter
- found out I am worth loving.
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| Hungarian Parliament |
 |
| Me in Budapest (Parliament in the background) |
Monday, February 2, 2015
Day 32: Snow at Bogus today!
It snowed at Bogus today!! As of right now, the snow marker says only 1.5 inches today, but it started to snow around 2 and in within an hour the skiing had improved immensely.
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| Proof of snow on Pine Creek chair! |
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| I look like a bank robber, but note the snow collecting on my coat. |
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Blessing #31 for 2015: Forbearance!!
for·bear·ance
About a month ago this message appeared on my student loan account:
Apparently when I signed up for this in June, the seemingly insignificant detail that if one is out of school for more than 6 months then one's student loan comes due, actually does apply to me. Apparently I am NOT an exception in this case.
My idea was to ignore it and hope it goes away. However, it kept hanging out in the back of my mind. This week I brought it to the front of my mind, which really just meant that at the end of each day I would say to myself, I was supposed to call them about my loan today. Oh, well!
So I finally called on Friday, armed with exasperation and venom, neither of which were needed. I simply explained to the guy that I had screwed myself by not fully understanding what I was doing when I signed up and asked if there was anything to be done about this. He asked a few questions, took about 2 minutes to figure out a plan, then POOF! I have a forebearance so my payments will not come due in 14 as warned. He told me what to do when I go back to school this summer.
Then it was over. All because I asked.
It reminded me a lot of grace, probably because that's what it was (a good book I'm reading on it is called What's So Amazing About Grace). Apparently God is in the business of dispensing grace, and in my case yesterday it was via the Department of Educaiton.
There must be a God.
fôrˈberəns
noun formal
noun: forbearance
Law
the action of refraining from exercising a legal right, especially enforcing the payment of a debt.
About a month ago this message appeared on my student loan account:
Apparently when I signed up for this in June, the seemingly insignificant detail that if one is out of school for more than 6 months then one's student loan comes due, actually does apply to me. Apparently I am NOT an exception in this case.
My idea was to ignore it and hope it goes away. However, it kept hanging out in the back of my mind. This week I brought it to the front of my mind, which really just meant that at the end of each day I would say to myself, I was supposed to call them about my loan today. Oh, well!
So I finally called on Friday, armed with exasperation and venom, neither of which were needed. I simply explained to the guy that I had screwed myself by not fully understanding what I was doing when I signed up and asked if there was anything to be done about this. He asked a few questions, took about 2 minutes to figure out a plan, then POOF! I have a forebearance so my payments will not come due in 14 as warned. He told me what to do when I go back to school this summer.
Then it was over. All because I asked.
It reminded me a lot of grace, probably because that's what it was (a good book I'm reading on it is called What's So Amazing About Grace). Apparently God is in the business of dispensing grace, and in my case yesterday it was via the Department of Educaiton.
There must be a God.
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