I ran into a friend today that I used to be super close to. When I see her now, though, I feel pain. Nobody really did anything wrong, we just stopped being able to be in relationship in a healthy way. We talked it all over months ago and have since not been in contact. It was hard to go from talking to her once or twice a day to not at all, but if I am really honest with myself, I knew something wasn't quite right.
This friend sat down next to me and asked me how I was doing. We chatted like that for a few minutes, all the while my insides throbbing with pain at not having her in my life anymore. When I didn't want to bear it anymore, I heard myself say, I'm really happy to see you, but it still hurts to be around you, and I think I'm done. I didn't mean done forever, I just meant done for now, and she totally got it. Brene Brown would be proud!
I was immediately proud of myself for speaking up, but as the day went on, I became proud of her, too. It's not always easy to accept other people's vulnerabilities when laid at your feet, and she handled it so well.
I will be forever grateful that she has been in my life.
Showing posts with label vulnerability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vulnerability. Show all posts
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
#17: Brene Brown
It snowed last night at Bogus, so I, owning a beautiful 4x4 Jeep Grand Cherokee, naturally arranged to catch a ride up the hill this morning with a friend.
I am from Texas!!! We don't have snow!!!! Shut! Up!!
I got all the way to the meeting spot when I realized I didn't have my boots. My friend offered to wait for me, but the ridiculousness [shame?] of owning this vehicle and never driving it in the snow overwhelmed me and I sent him off alone.
I listened to Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability on the way up, a shame and vulnerability researcher whose TED Talk went viral a few years back. She was going to be my gratitude for the day until the drive home!
I waited in the bar over an hour after I got done working. I ate a massive amount of popcorn avoiding the anxiety of driving down in the snow/freezing rain/slush.
It was dark when I finally left. I was going approximately 6 miles an hour. I didn't brake, I just shifted between 1,2,3, usually freaking out in 3rd gear. I lost depth perception a few times and relied on the white lines to follow me down. I felt the pressure of drivers behind me encouraging [read: tailgating] me to pull over and get out of their way. Brene Brown was still playing on the way down.
As I'm listening to this woman talk about shame belonging I realize that I used to not even go skiing, much less drive myself up there, because I was so fearful of feeling ashamed of myself if I made a mistake, or of looking bad, or of being laughed at, or of feeling awkward, or of getting hurt, or having to go by myself because "I don't have any friends" (as I used to tell myself).
Brene says in this CD set that the #1 barrier to "belonging" is "fitting in". This has changed my life. Realizing that I can be myself and THAT is who and what is appreciated about me has been one of the top 3 greatest gifts I have received in life.
I am from Texas!!! We don't have snow!!!! Shut! Up!!
I got all the way to the meeting spot when I realized I didn't have my boots. My friend offered to wait for me, but the ridiculousness [shame?] of owning this vehicle and never driving it in the snow overwhelmed me and I sent him off alone.
I listened to Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability on the way up, a shame and vulnerability researcher whose TED Talk went viral a few years back. She was going to be my gratitude for the day until the drive home!
I waited in the bar over an hour after I got done working. I ate a massive amount of popcorn avoiding the anxiety of driving down in the snow/freezing rain/slush.
It was dark when I finally left. I was going approximately 6 miles an hour. I didn't brake, I just shifted between 1,2,3, usually freaking out in 3rd gear. I lost depth perception a few times and relied on the white lines to follow me down. I felt the pressure of drivers behind me encouraging [read: tailgating] me to pull over and get out of their way. Brene Brown was still playing on the way down.
As I'm listening to this woman talk about shame belonging I realize that I used to not even go skiing, much less drive myself up there, because I was so fearful of feeling ashamed of myself if I made a mistake, or of looking bad, or of being laughed at, or of feeling awkward, or of getting hurt, or having to go by myself because "I don't have any friends" (as I used to tell myself).
Brene says in this CD set that the #1 barrier to "belonging" is "fitting in". This has changed my life. Realizing that I can be myself and THAT is who and what is appreciated about me has been one of the top 3 greatest gifts I have received in life.
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