Saturday, February 28, 2015

Blessing #59 of 2015: The Super Connected

Today was "Come to the Banquet" at my church.  We have a made-from-scratch meal, table service and music for anyone who wants a free meal in downtown Boise.  It is really the highlight of my month.  We sit down and eat with our guests--it's totally awesome.

One of my favorite parts is seeing one of the priests at my church.  I've told him that if/when I get remarried I want him to marry us.  He's that awesome.

This morning I told him I've been having a knock-down-drag-out with God.  When I told him God's winning, he laughed from his belly at me, which totally made my day!  Then I told him that I think I have this God problem where I think God is supposed to make me feel good and that this line of thinking is not working.

He paused.  I waited.  He said, "Perhaps you should flip that around.  Maybe you are supposed to make God feel good?"  I'm still knawing on that one, but that's not all. 

There was another pause.  He said, "Or maybe you don't love yourself enough to see that you make God happy."  How did he know?

I'm so grateful for those people who are so connected to God you can feel it when you're around them.  They often seem to have a sixth sense about the people they know.  This man is so loving and compassionate and kind and just being around him makes me want to be those things, too.

Blessing #58: Cranberry sauce in a can. NOT on Thanksgiving!

I found myself feeling very lonely lately, which often prompts the stuffing of food into my mouth.  I ate an entire bag of popcorn for dinner after a bag of sweet potato chips for my mid-afternoon snack.  Then, at 10 last night, I was craving sugar again.  I scrambled to the cupboard and was delighted to find a can of cranberry sauce I usually reserve for Thanksgiving Dinner.

I ate the whole thing.

I'm not going to tell you how I felt this morning.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Day #57: Sleep!

I slept for over 8 hours last night!  And...I've been asleep before 10 for the last 3 nights in a row.  To be honest, I could have slept for 5 more this morning, but just imagine how much more groggy I'd have been all day if I had slept less than 8 hours lasat night!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Blessing #56 of 2015: Bogus Basin on a school day!

I got paid to be at Bogus Basin today!  I was lucky enough to be a chaperone for a program where we take students up for the day.  Many of these kids have never been to Bogus ever and today was their first ski lesson ever!  The kids were awesome!

The skiing was way, way better than I thought it was going to be.  It was lovely.  I'm so grateful this was my job today!  I even got to spend some time skiing by myself.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Blessing #55 of 2015: Morning phone calls

I was having a rough morning on the way to work today, and I called a good friend.  She answered the phone!!  I am always amazed at the help available to me from others when I am willing to ask for it.

She listened, she empathized, she understood.  Most important, she made me laugh! 

I heard someone say that we can't laugh about stuff that hasn't been healed yet. Laughing with my girlfriend this morning reminded me of how painful life was just a couple of years ago.  Nothing was funny.  NO-thing.  Everything hurt.  It hurt to breath.  It hurt to eat.  It hurt to smile.  Other people's happinesses hurt.  I couldn't laugh at anything; everything made me cry.

Slowly I started to laugh.  The first real gut-laugh I remember is on a run with another runner friend.  We passed a con-crew picking up trash in orange jump suits.  She looked at them, looked at me, then said, "Don't even think about it."  I laughed so hard I couldn't keep running.  I knew I was healing!

And now today, during even the most difficult times, laughter comes through.  Again, I know I'm healing!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Day 54: Story Story Night

I went out on a school night! 

Tonight I went to Story Story Night for the first time with a friend.  It was super fun! 

3 featured speakers tell stories on a theme (tonight was Weird Science, Stories of Strange Chemistry).  Storytellers from the audience who are willing put their names into a hat to be chosen at random in between the 3 main speakers. 

It was SOOO good to laugh heals my soul!

Monday, February 23, 2015

Blessing #53: My first restful weekend of the...year

On Friday, my colleague made me promise to rest this weekend.  And, unlike past promises for evenings/days/weekends of rest, I ACTUALLY DID IT!  I did not decline the symphony then stay up till 2 watching GG episodes; I went to bed at 8:30 on Friday night.

R.E.S.T. is soooo hard for me!!

I used to think that to be happy I was supposed to be busy.  I looked around at all the people that looked happy on their outsides and what I saw in common was that they were all had many important things to do:  volunteering, hobbies, sports.  So I got busy.  It worked so well that years later, here I am, super busy.  This seems to have become one of my identifying characteristics. 

Rest was like stopping, and I was terrified to stop because I thought I wouldn't be important anymore or that everyone would forget about my while I was sitting on my couch reading on a Sunday afternoon or working on my scrapbook all afternoon.

It was still scary to rest this afternoon, but I have to tell you, I am SOOO tired of being sick that I told God I'm willing to do it, whatever the cost.  I'm tired of being sick through beautiful afternoons and concerts and symphonies.  Sure, it's not so bad to be sick during things I don't care too much about doing, but I have spent most of 2015 recovering from being sick after doing something awesome. 

So no more.  My Lenten commitment is sleep/rest.  Come hell or high water, I am going to rest, be that sleep or just skipping a function so I can spend time with myself. 

Now it's out there, I'm accountable!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Blessing #52: My dad called me today!

Okay, that's not really the big deal.  The big deal is that when he called, the first thing he asked me is, "are you feeling any better?"

I haven't talked to my dad since I left Austin on Monday.

I said, "how do you know I've been sick?  I put it Facebook but you don't get on Facebook...."

He said, "No, I don't go on there but I get these updates in my email and...."

Oh my gosh!  My dad knew what was going on with me!!!  And from Facebook, no less. 

Do you know how long I have been telling my father that if he wants to know what's going on with me, he should check Facebook?  The amount of energy I have expended trying to get this man to pay attention to me and to see me as I think I really am, if I had today, would prevent me from ever getting sick again.

The most ironic part is that before I went to Austin I had totally, finally, utterly given up and accepted my parents exactly how they are.  I let go of expectations of how they should be and what their love for me should look like and how they should behave.

You know God is up there laughing.


and now!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Day 51: My headache subsided!

I still slept 2-3 hours at a time, awakened by the evils fairies playing mini-dodge ball against my left temple.  After I had a massive knock-down-drag-out with God about the consistent and sustained pain of said headache (complete with a very pathetic begging scene asking God to remove the pain), I went to work.

And my headache went away for the rest of the day!

There IS a God!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Blessing #50: Google!

I stayed home from work today.  I went to bed last night feeling awful, but the worst part is the headaches I've been having since Tuesday night.  I only sleep for about 2 hours at a time before the pain in my temples awakens me.

I'm pretty sure they are caused by caffeine withdrawal, as I drink a lot of tea and over the weekend in Austin I drank A-LOT of tea.  The timing lines up:  this is day 3 without any caffeine and my head is POUND-ing.

My Chinese Medicine training taught me that withdrawal headaches are often dehydration headaches, as tea and other caffeinated beverages are a diuretic.  This knowledge guiding me, I've been trying to drink lots of water--but failing miserably.  It makes me feel nauseous, it tastes bad, and I have this fear of having to get up to use the restroom a million times a night.

Tonight, then, head pounding, I started Googling what I can do; to verify my dehydration theory; to see if my pain matches what WebMD or says.

Bingo!  I struck gold!


In all of my pain, I hadn't thought to drink Gatorade!  And guess what?!?!  There was a full bottle of Fruit Punch in my fridge!   I'm almost finished with it.  I dare say my headache is slightly better.  I'll keep the water going, take some Tylenol and go to bed.

Almost gone!

Oh, by the way, WebMD lists caffeine addiction as a myth.  I disagree.