#Movienight @JUMPBoise with #OpenSeasonMovie #MountainHosts

There is a terrific new space in Boise called JUMP - Jack's [as in Simplot] Urban Meeting Place. According to their Twitter page, it is "A celebration of creativity and inspiration, a place for the community to participate in a kaleidoscope of ever-changing activities, events, and programs."

Seriously, there is a ton to do there. Here is the calendar page. There are classes, programs, a maker space, wifi throughout, community events and spectacular views of Boise.

Tonight was free movie night where four of us met to watch Open Season, a funny kid movie. Not only is it free, you can bring in food (which only one of us remembered to do). An added bonus was that the creator of Open Season, Steve Moore, lives in Boise and was there to answer questions and chat. What a super fun evening!

Oh, and did I mention that we all rode our bikes downtown? 

I love Boise.

Us with Steve Moore - see movie playing in the background in a gorgeous room on the 5th floor.

#323: Best. Email. Ever!

The Bogus Basin Mountain Hosts have been one of my families for the last 7 years or so, and I love volunteering at Bogus. However, each of the last 3 years I have been so incredibly busy and stressed during the spring that I have contemplated withdrawing, which I finally did this season when I realized I'd have to take a graduate course next spring.  

That was about 2 weeks ago.

Then I got an email from one of the mountain hosts with this as the subject:

It sat in my inbox for a few days and I read it last night.  I assumed it was a pair of ski boots or an old snowboard or something.  Here's what the email said once I finally opened it:

And here's the item that needed a good home:

Blessing #66: Sadness

I promised myself I wouldn't repeat any of my blessings this year, so I keep trying to find creative ways to use Bogus Basin.  I get so much joy out of this place!  We in Boise are so lucky to have a beautiful mountain so close.  I can be on a lift within an hour of leaving my house.

Today was the last day of night skiing at Bogus.  Not that I night skied at all this year, but that is not the point.  As I was driving down the hill after hanging out with fellow ski patrollers and mountain hosts in the lodge, I found myself feeling low with a heavy sensation in my heart.  A few miles later I was able to identify this emotion as sadness. 

I'm not so much grateful for sadness (although without sadness joy loses some of its sparkle), as for the ability to identify sadness and live through it.  I used to go weeks, days or years ignoring emotions.  I'm not sure it was conscious, it was just survival.  I seemed to come out of the shoot with the idea that negative emotions were dangerous; therefore I avoided feeling sad, angry, hurt, etc. at all costs, so my way of being was unconsciousness.  Though this had the benefit of enabling me to make it through the days, being this out of touch with myself had debilitating side effects.  I was plagued by anxiety, insecurity and was constantly doubting myself. 


When I got divorced at 32 I woke up.  Our marriage counselor sent me to individual counseling and that experience shot me into another world.  I learned how much hurt, sadness and pain was inside of me [a LOT] that had never been allowed to come out.  I learned how to feel the sadness and pain that was inside of me [did I mention that there was A LOT?] and live through it.  I learned how to feel the emotions that [apparently] come with being human (I learned that, too) without spewing all over everyone around me. 

It turns out that feeling emotions is the only way to truly "process" them and get to the joy that lies on the other side.

What a happy/sad day!  Good friends, little snow, much fun.

View from the top of Nugget.

The beauty and splendor of Idaho..

Blessing #60: My Freak Out On Friday

Last Friday I had what I felt like was a major meltdown.  A few of you might have witnessed it.  There was yelling a cussing and God in the same sentence.  One friend told me to stop trying so hard (which made me cry more) and another friend told me that I was just "this close" (she held up her thumb and first finger up about an inch apart) from a surrender.  She told me that some people don't ever get to this point of surrender and that I seem to be approaching (this made me feel much better but still made me cry).

After my outburst I sobbed and sobbed on my way home, where I watched 5 hours of Gilmore Girls and finally went to bed around 11:30. 

In the morning I almost bailed on my running friends.  Wallowing seemed necessary and it's draw was hard to escape.  The 51% of me that wanted to go got me dressed and showed up at the bottom of the Robie hill.  About 5 miles in, I was so glad I hadn't stayed in bed!

My mind started to clear.  My spirits lifted.  The grogginess passed and my body started to feel good.  My whole day turned around.

Next I went to church to "feed the hungry" (see post from Saturday), took a nap, then on my way to dinner at my girlfriend's house, I saw a rainbow over my house!!

Today I got to spend the whole beautiful day skiing with the Mountain Hosts and was so excited to see some friends I hadn't seen in over a month.

Now, I'm not saying that the meltdown on Friday made the beautiful day today or the rainbow yesterday, but I am saying that they meltdown on Friday was a cathartic release of emotion.  It was like the pressure cooker of my spirit went off.  I feel so much relief.  I feel like I am letting God be in charge these last two days.  I'm saying that the blowup on Friday cleared the space inside of me for God to move in. 

Thank God for meltdowns.

Day # 38: 5:30 Saturday church service!

I love that my church, St. Michael's, like many other Episcopal churches, has service on Saturdays at 5:30.  Every Saturday I plan to go, think about going all day while I'm skiing, then usually stay in the bar for "popcorn" with my fellow Mountain Hosts and Ski Patrollers, go home and chain-watch Gilmore Girls until 1 a.m.

Today, the  Gilmore Girls marathon was interupted by church!  I actually left the ski hill in enough time to arrive at church before the Gospel. 

Not only do I get to spend tomorrow morning having coffee with friends, I heard exactly what I needed to.  It's out of the Closing Prayer (BCP Rite II): 

Send us now into the world in peace, and grant us strength and courage to love and serve you with gladness and singleness of heart.

What a great reminder that strength and courage are required to love and serve God--I tend to think that serving God is effortless and feels good allthe time.  

Blessing #24: Five hour naps.

Yes, really.  I was so exhausted this morning that when a fellow Mountain Host said hello this morning I burst into tears.  I had no idea I was that tired!

The thing about being tired is that its affects sneak up on me.  A few nights of 6 hours of sleep....a run in the cold...a graduation on a Thursday night....staying late at school a couple afternoons in a week.  Suddenly I'm crying when someone asks me how I am. 

And I don't realize my brain function has been affected until after my exhaustion as been rectified.

I came home early from skiing today and watched two Gilmore Girls episodes (taking full advantage of my free month on Netflix) then fell asleep at 2.  I opened my eyes briefly at four but quickly went back to sleep.  Next thing I know it's 7.  It's dark outside and practically every light in the house is on.  I feel like I'm in a fishbowl, but do I get up and close the blinds?  No way!  There's more episodes to watch!  I'm only on season 1!  I watched another.

Then my brain turned back on!  The sleep had restored neurological functioning and I suddenly realized I had to get out of the house.  I was still in my long underwear and turtleneck from skiing, hair still in braids.  I realized I had spend 16 of the past 36 hours on this very couch in this very position watching these same people. I went to a birthday party I had forgotten about then decided to skip in my sleep-deprived state.

Joy not tired.

The moral of the story is that sleep is super important for me.  Here's what I noticed today about why:

Joy tired. (note the time: that is A.M.)

• The NIH says so.  See here.  [note the first section heading:  Healthy Brain Function and Emotional Well-Being]
• When I have enough sleep I do not cry when someone asks me how I am.
• I am friendlier when I have enough sleep.
• When tired, I eat.  A lot.  Hunger is not a factor, I just keep eating.
• When tired, I watch more tv.  And while good for Netflix, not so good for Joy's well-being.
• When tired, I forget things, then miss out, thereby making my fear-of-missing-out come true.
• The bags under my eyes are way, way smaller when I get enough sleep.
• I don't exercise when I'm tired which makes me feel stagnant which makes me cranky which makes me eat which makes me gain weight which makes me feel icky.
• I am a much, much better teacher and planner of teaching lessons when I am well-rested.
• I don't get sick when I stay sleep-hydrated!