Monday, March 2, 2015

Blessing #60: My Freak Out On Friday

Last Friday I had what I felt like was a major meltdown.  A few of you might have witnessed it.  There was yelling a cussing and God in the same sentence.  One friend told me to stop trying so hard (which made me cry more) and another friend told me that I was just "this close" (she held up her thumb and first finger up about an inch apart) from a surrender.  She told me that some people don't ever get to this point of surrender and that I seem to be approaching (this made me feel much better but still made me cry).

After my outburst I sobbed and sobbed on my way home, where I watched 5 hours of Gilmore Girls and finally went to bed around 11:30. 

In the morning I almost bailed on my running friends.  Wallowing seemed necessary and it's draw was hard to escape.  The 51% of me that wanted to go got me dressed and showed up at the bottom of the Robie hill.  About 5 miles in, I was so glad I hadn't stayed in bed!

My mind started to clear.  My spirits lifted.  The grogginess passed and my body started to feel good.  My whole day turned around.

Next I went to church to "feed the hungry" (see post from Saturday), took a nap, then on my way to dinner at my girlfriend's house, I saw a rainbow over my house!!

Today I got to spend the whole beautiful day skiing with the Mountain Hosts and was so excited to see some friends I hadn't seen in over a month.

Now, I'm not saying that the meltdown on Friday made the beautiful day today or the rainbow yesterday, but I am saying that they meltdown on Friday was a cathartic release of emotion.  It was like the pressure cooker of my spirit went off.  I feel so much relief.  I feel like I am letting God be in charge these last two days.  I'm saying that the blowup on Friday cleared the space inside of me for God to move in. 

Thank God for meltdowns.

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