#150: To be a woman in the United States

Thursday night I attended TEDx Boise Women.  There was a livestream of a 2 hour session from the TedWomen2015 conference in Monterey, CA.  Groups of women from around the world tuned in to hear just one session of this 3 day conference.  The lineup was impressive, though I had no idea what or whom I was going to hear when I went.  I just knew that TEDtalks are generally awesome.

from @Mydaughtersarmy tweet

There is no way I can relay what I felt when I heard these four speakers;  all I can tell you is I left full of gratitude that I am a woman in the United States;  that I spend much of my time worry about things that really, truly, are not important;  that millions of women around the world face circumstances every day that I have nightmares about;  that there MUST be something I can do to help.

Until inspiration strikes, I will spread the word about this issues out there and do my best to be present for the women in my life however I can.

I looked for the talks to link here, but they aren't posted on the ted website.  Here's the take-aways for me:

1. Women in some parts of the world are subjected to mutilation.  I can't even say more.  Google it.  It's awful.
2. Girls are married off as early as 11.  One of the speakers, Memory Banda, spoke about this issue from her own experience.
3. Education IS a way out of some types of opression.  Sakena Yacoobi from Afghanistan spoke about the education of women in her country before and after the Taliban.
4. Billie Jean King was funny and has been working for women's equality even before her stellar tennis career.
5. Mary Robinson, the first woman president of the Republic of Ireland (who was also the first sitting Irish President to travel to the United Kingdom and meet Queen Elizabeth) is working for climate justice through her foundation, the Mary Robinson Foundation for Climate Justice (as in people and countries losing their land due to rising water levels).
6. We are so lucky to be living in this country.  And we have work to do.

#149: Shakespeare!

Season 4 of Shakespeare begins:  Dial M for Murder.  Beautiful weather, fantastic play, awesome company.

"Culture" friends.  I need a nap!

#148: Belfast reservations!!!!

I made my first and only reservation for my trip overseas this summer!  I'll be going to Galway for a month for the 2nd installment of my masters degree in Educational Technology through Michigan State.  I'm going early to Scotland and staying late in London.

Belfast, Northern Ireland, here I come!

#147: Doing nothing!!!

I have been sitting in this chair since 4:30, and serial watching Sherlock, my new favorite show.  Admittedly, I have done this before but today is different.

This makes the blessing of the day because:

1. At least for today, I have been relieved of the compulsion to do more, go somewhere, 15 other things I want to do.
2. While I'm sitting here I can feel my adrenals NOT working.  I believe this is called re-lax-ing, though I'm not entirely sure.
3.  I don't feel guilty about sitting inside on a beautiful day.
4. The voice that has been with me for so long, constantly telling me I must do more, get one more thing done, sign up for that one more thing, has subsided today.
5. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

And the best reason last:

•  In all this calm going on this evening, thoughts of creativity and new ideas are popping into my head!  Sudden bouts of motivation to do new things briefly overcome me! 

Is it possible that slowing down and actually doing less will get me closer to who I want to be than doing more? 

Blessing #146: Quick recovery!

Today is Tuesday.  This will come in handy in a second.

Saturday morning I went to hot yoga.  All was well.  Then I went again on Sunday afternoon.  It was pretty hard, I felt light headed a couple of times, but that's pretty normal during one of those classes.  I went home and felt pretty drained.  I ate a salad for dinner and started seeing sunbursts and floaters. 

A few hours later I was sitting on the bathroom floor, throwing up alone.

For the record, I did not go back to hot yoga on Monday. 

I ate well yesterday morning and for lunch, but I felt so good I got greedy for dinner.  A few chicken drumsticks and some Mexican rice later plus 2 hours later, I repeated the night before.  I was so miserable last night and I was fearful of a repeat of what happened in November.  After that incident, when I also threw up twice, I couldn't hold down food for a week.  Seven days, 11 pounds, 2 sick days and one hospital visit later I finally kept a meal down. 

Today I've been able to eat breakfast and lunch and dinner.  I didn't overdo it and ate stuff that is easily digestible (miracle #1).  Then I realized that my body is getting healthier!!!  Only 6 weeks ago throwing up did so much damage to my stomach I couldn't recover for a week...and now I've recovered in less than a day!  Woohoo!!!  Healing happens!!!

#145: Listening to my body

Okay, I'm kinda cheating because I'm not really grateful I'm doing this right now, but I am assuming I will be grateful for it later.  My body is trying to tell me something, and I think, perhaps, today, I will finally stop and listen.  It is trying to talk to me through

• headaches
• inability/unmotivated to get out of bed
• constant tiredness
• acute pain next to my right shoulder blade
• throwing up last night from dehydration
• feeling more or less hungover today (even though I don't drink!)
• gaining weight
• weird eye floaters impairing my vision

Blah blah blah.  I know, that's a list of ailments.  But today I finally realized/accepted/admitted that I can either keep pretending that this stuff is nothing more than coincidence or I can ask myself what my body is trying to tell me.

I don't think it's saying anything that I haven't heard before.  Plenty of people have told me the same thing: I try to cram too much in.  I don't rest.  A boss once told me that the only thing she had written on my evaluation was "moves too fast".  It's all about fear.  I'm so afraid I won't get enough life packed into this short little time that we get to be here, that I say yes to everything and try to do it all.  Maybe, though, it's not about doing everything there is to do, but rather doing everything that is mine to do? 

My blessing today, then, is that I am willing to stop, rest and consider.  I'm willing to sit still and trust that maybe I am just as valuable a human being resting and taking care of myself as I am when I'm going going going. 

#144: God visited me at hot yoga

Today at Hot Yoga I was really struggling.  Really early into the session I was wiping my face on the big towel that goes over my yoga mat--I had forgotten to bring a small hand towel for this. 

After one such face wipe the gentleman next to me said, "here," has he tossed me a white hand towel.  "I haven't used it at all." 

My first instinct was to decline, but upon reflection, I didn't.  Instead I lay on my back, put the towel over my face and cried.  I was overwhelmed that someone noticed I needed help and helped.  I pulled it together and rejoined the group.

A few minutes later we were doing this pose:

From http://www.heidiyoga.com/blog/10-yoga-poses-beat-blues

On the first leg, I had a lot of trouble getting my hand in the proper position around my foot. During the part where we reach back and grab our foot, I heard a voice behind me say, "no, like this," as I felt someone's hand on my wrist.  The instructor showed me how to grab my foot properly, which consequently made the pose much easier that time!  Again I teared up.  Finally, at the end, a woman I know whom I have not talked to for years was there and suddenly appeared with a smile and a bottle of cleaner.  I was stunned.  Happily stunned.

I know I was tired and depleted and struggling and some say that this is a recipe for quick tears.  But I think it's more like a recipe to get down to our core, to what really bothers, scares or motivates us.  These two people hit one of my deepest fears: the fear that if I don't remind people that I am around, they won't remember me;  I've projected this fear onto God, so that I believe, or at least used to believe that if I get lost in my own life, fully indulging in the moment or my passions or my job or whatever is mine to do, that God will forget about me and my dreams.

So today at yoga I got a God-shot when three people noticed me, saw my needs and helped me, while I wasn't looking for it; when I was fully engaged in the moment; while I was struggling with what was right in front of me; not hyper vigilant about whether other people were noticing me or not.  I was reminded that God does not forget me; that I can always trust Him and be taken care of.