Tuesday, May 26, 2015

#145: Listening to my body

Okay, I'm kinda cheating because I'm not really grateful I'm doing this right now, but I am assuming I will be grateful for it later.  My body is trying to tell me something, and I think, perhaps, today, I will finally stop and listen.  It is trying to talk to me through
  • headaches
  • inability/unmotivated to get out of bed
  • constant tiredness
  • acute pain next to my right shoulder blade
  • throwing up last night from dehydration
  • feeling more or less hungover today (even though I don't drink!)
  • gaining weight
  • weird eye floaters impairing my vision
Blah blah blah.  I know, that's a list of ailments.  But today I finally realized/accepted/admitted that I can either keep pretending that this stuff is nothing more than coincidence or I can ask myself what my body is trying to tell me.

I don't think it's saying anything that I haven't heard before.  Plenty of people have told me the same thing: I try to cram too much in.  I don't rest.  A boss once told me that the only thing she had written on my evaluation was "moves too fast".  It's all about fear.  I'm so afraid I won't get enough life packed into this short little time that we get to be here, that I say yes to everything and try to do it all.  Maybe, though, it's not about doing everything there is to do, but rather doing everything that is mine to do? 

My blessing today, then, is that I am willing to stop, rest and consider.  I'm willing to sit still and trust that maybe I am just as valuable a human being resting and taking care of myself as I am when I'm going going going. 

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