Monday, January 26, 2015

Day #25: I can't stop smiling!!

I can't stop smiling!  I don't know when it happened, but I find myself smiling.  All the time.
Watching Gilmore Girls: smiling.
Alone on a Friday night: smiling.
Doing the dishes, I'm smiling.
The kitchen floor is filthy: smiling.
I'm late to my friend's house: I find myself smiling.
I step over dirty laundry to rummage through the pile on my bed to look for my phone: still smiling!

This is wonderful!  The hole in my soul has been healed!  I find that I can walk by an attractive man and not study him to see if his measurements will fit inside the hole in my soul.  I can suddenly feel uncomfortable and not drive around aimlessly for 3 1/4 hours trying to run away from it.  I can refrain from exercise without feeling like my self-worth is circling the drain.

I can say hello to a stranger and the constant self-consciousness that used to accompany my everywhere does not surface.  I just say hello.  I just smile.  My worthiness is not on the line.

Let the record show [so that next week when the weather forecast is not so sunny I can look back on today]  that today I believe in God, and that that God is working in my favor.  There is no other explanation when I remember where I was even just a year ago and compare that woman to me now.

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