Monday, July 6, 2015

Blessing #185: Hitting bottom with Honey Loops

I may have come back to my apartment last night, after dinner, and eaten the better part of a box of Honey Loops, a tasty, sugar-based cereal by Kellogg's that I discovered in the on-site market a few days ago.  

I wasn't hungry; but I was craving sugar.
I wasn't really craving sugar; I was anxious.
I wasn't really anxious, either; I was tired.

I really was tired.

I went out to eat with friends even though my entire body was screaming not to.  The compulsion to do everything and miss nothing took over.  I sat eating bowl after bowl of cereal, really, really wanting to stop but not enough to stop.  Finally the thought broke through: what are you avoiding?

Sleep.  Letting go of getting more done today.  Running.  That icky feeling I'm going to have when I stop eating and realize I've just eaten back all the exercise I did last week.  Feelings of inadequacy.

I stopped eating, felt the icky feelings, went on a run, ran into friends from the program, went out later and listened to fun Irish music, got to know some people better, had bacon chips (you don't want to know), and went to bed.

And today, I was so hungover I felt like I'd been hit by a bus.  I've  been asleep more today than I've been awake.  However, the great part is that I felt so bad today I'm utterly willing to NOT do that to myself again.  No. More. Sugar!

Sometimes we've gotta hit bottom before we get really willing to change.

No comments:

Post a Comment