I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
Why?!?! What it is? Do I have living in Israel? Is it the endless lockdowns? Homesickness? Abu Dhabi-sickness? The fear of not making friends once this place opens up? That spiritual work I did last week? Maybe all of this together. I don't know!
But I do know that I AM UNCOMFORTABLE! Not broken or damaged (well, no more than anyone else) or being punished for bad decisions. Just uncomfortable.
It clicked when I was listening to This American Life on my walk today. This section of the episode called "Making the Cut" hit me super hard. Two women talk about their experience online dating before and during the pandemic. Their conversation assured me that lots of people are feeling the way I am--basically: UNCOMFORTABLE. It often feels like lonely, isolated, depressed or sometimes even manic and so motivated to "get it done right now" I stay up until 2 a.m. to satisfy the compulsion.
Other people feel this, too! That makes me not broken! Or should I say, no more broken than anybody else.
The second part of this is gratitude that because I have identified what I'm feeling, I can now see it more objectively and take appropriate action. "Appropriate" action these day is defined in the negative: not spewing on people; not being mean to the checkout lady at the grocery store; not wallowing in self-pity. I can identify it, report it, feel it then get on with it.
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