#84 My Coronavirus Roommate

 One year ago today I Abu Dhabi announced a 24 hour lockdown. I had been teaching in my apartment for the week and the thought of staying there for 48 hours solid brought me to tears.

So I called Kelli hiccup crying. She lives in a two bedroom, three bath ground floor apartment in a lovely development in Abu Dhabi. Kelli didn't hesitate. Pack your stuff and come over here right now. 

I never spent another night in that apartment. We had the best time during lockdown! Her husband was in America for the entire time (less one night) I stayed there. We made dinner, went scuba diving and went to the grocery store a LOT. I miss living with her so much but I am forever and ever grateful for her hospitality and friendship.

Thank you, Kelli!!

#82 Dinner at a new friend's house

 I just returned from dinner with a new friend! She invited me over to her house and we had a lovely evening just hanging out. Just me, her, her toddler and her husband when he came home from work.

It was wonderful to be in the company of a family and with people I felt so comfortable with. Furthermore, and more importantly, I returned home with a corrected perspective on my life. My soul lately has been troubled and I have been clouded with bouts of loneliness and self-pity, but tonight I realized (and you are welcome to remind me of this later) that really I have a great life, even here in Israel, and that it is the "by myself" parts that really get to me. I feel so left out so much of the time, but when I have these beautiful, nourishing connections with others, my heart is refilled and I see from afar that my troubles are mostly inside my own soul. Much of the time I spend alone is so tormented that it feels like forever. In truth, I am being cared for by God every second and He hasn't forgotten about me (Please remind me of this next time I'm putting up decorations for a pity party).

I'm also grateful I am vaccinated. I took the bus to her house and it was crazy town! The bus came at least 30 minutes late so there was a large gathering of people waiting for the 66 when it finally arrived. I was on it for about 40 minutes. My first spot was by the door but eventually I got a spot sitting on the steps and finally upgraded to a seat. I even had the courage to tell a guy near me to put his mask on!

Crazy town!

Finally I got a seat about 30 minutes in.

#62 Friends that tell me the truth

People who tell the truth are the best, even though I sometimes get my feelings hurt when I don't love what they say. My new friend Melanie, for example, always tells me the truth (I call her the Jewish mother I never had!) so I have learned to not ask her if I can't handle the response I might get. :)

When I'm really down I also need to hear the truth.

The last few days were a mental health wasteland for me. Now that I am out of it, I can't believe how far down I was.

I did have the wherewithal to call a dear friend that I absolutely trust with anything. We were only on the phone for about 6 minutes and I was crying in the midst of the pain and pity I was feeling for myself. She listened long enough [read: not as long as I wanted to go on and on] then suggested I make a gratitude list and explain to myself why I was grateful for those things. I heard her loud and clear: I was circling the drain and needed to get my mind into a better state. My feelings were stung a little and I felt embarrassed. 

Later I did make that list. I still haven't written why (I wrote it at midnight! I was tired!) but just thinking about the "why" helped me change my attitude.

Feeling a little embarrassment and humiliation is a small price to pay for being vulnerable enough to reach out for help. Though I don't always feel good when I "tell on myself", I always feel better later.

#33 Visits

 I remember Nana, my grandmother, used to always talk about friends "visiting". Friends would stop over for an hour or two, maybe have a Dr. Pepper and Mint Milano cookies and "visit".  Aunt Jean used to visit; Nana and I would visit Aunt Jean, we all visited Grandma--it definitely was an old people family thing in my life. But in the last day I've had two visits (three if you count going over to Jessie's on Saturday)!

My new-to-me car needs a resident parking sticker for Tel Aviv. The application is online but is in Hebrew and Google Translate is only mostly helpful. So I did something new...I asked a new friend for help. I met Anita back when we we free at a small gathering--she speaks fluent Hebrew and I asked if she and I could meet up so I could complete the parking application. She popped over last night, helped me with two Hebrew forms and stayed for a little visit. Can I also say I'm super grateful to live within a half kilometer of 5 very lovely ladies I work with? The visiting and popping over is super easy when everyone is so close.

The second "visit" was while I was running through the park this afternoon. All of a sudden a woman on a bike was smiling up at me from her bike. It was woman I met in the gym named Shackar in person a few times way back when we were free and now see in online gym sessions all the time. She is super nice--she even looks out for me during gym classes. We are in a lot of Zoom classes together--I'd say at least 3 or 4 a week. One time I got frustrated in a Zoom class because a trainer didn't explain well enough and he didn't notice that I was lost and Shackar got his attention and told him I needed the instructions in English. 

So there in Hayarkon Park I stopped running and we had a quick visit. I'm sure she has no idea how much it meant to me that she took the time to say hi. I know somebody in Tel Aviv! It's like being in Boise and running into somebody I know from Bogus Basin at Java--a lovely sense of belonging. Delightful!

P.S. She recognized me by my pink hair!

                                       

The left one was my attempt at a picture of the back of my head; the right one doesn't look as pink but was take by some nice guy sitting at the bus stop near my house when I got home.

All the good that comes out of the bad, or "If you're going to get hit by a car, this is the way to do it"

I was so proud that I rode my bike to school the first two days! I love not using my car, knowing I am polluting just a little bit less, getting exercise, and enjoying the sights and sounds I miss when I'm stuck inside a vehicle.

While riding my bike home on Thursday, however, I was hit by a car as I crossed a street near the hospital [thankfully!] I was riding the sidewalks but came to a crosswalk where a car was stopped while waiting to turn left. Suddenly the car went and we collided. I was hit on my left side and watched the hood of the car go around me as I rolled over in the air and landed on my left side on the pavement. I just lay there stunned. I remember the entire accident including thinking, this doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Then I heard the driver (let's call him Steve, which is not his real name) cursing and at first I thought he was cursing at me, but he got out, leaned over me and said, "are you okay?" several times.  

We eventually moved out of the road and I sat on a curb nearby. Then a woman was talking to me who used to be a medic in the army. As it happens, Steve used to be a medic in the air force. Then an ambulance came, which had just finished dropping someone at the hospital across the street, saw us, and came over.  

The paramedics looked me over, and I didn't fight and I wasn't obstinate. Twelve years ago I was in a bad wreck in Utah and so distrustful and afraid that I didn't let those paramedics give me any medications. I was a park ranger at the time and one of the medics in the park had scolded me later for not letting them do their job. He reminded me that though a person might feel fine at first, their status can change quickly and being able to administer drugs quickly becomes super important. So Thursday I went along with everything people suggested. Which happened to be relatively easy as I was busy crying non-stop. I felt silly and embarrassed, but more about that later.

Photo from http://villains.wikia.com/wiki/File:Wile_E._Coyote_crying_.jpeg

I started seeing little rainbows, but now that I know that it was what people call "seeing stars". When I think about it I just see Wile E. Coyote after the Road Runner has beaten him one more time! The paramedics said it was a good thing I was wearing a helmet and strongly suggested a trip to the emergency room to get checked out, and I agreed.

As the paramedics helped me out of the back, my vision got wrong. Not black or faded, but not correct. Not good. They helped me inside, put my bike in a safe spot near the door and got me checked in. These men were wonderful and kind and funny, which was super helpful because I was so self-conscious when I hobbled into the waiting room (not due to injury but because one of my flip flops broke).

One paramedic asked if he could call anyone for me. I thought of how far away my family was and said "no" as a wave of sadness washed over me. I sat down in the waiting room just crying. I prepared to sit there alone for a few hours. then I caught myself and realized that my old habit of trying to do things alone needs to go. But then I realized one of my best friends works near the hospital. I texted and she called and of course she came over, despite the fact that she didn't have a car at work. She stayed with me until I got home.

Calling her was the best thing I did. She counteracted the voices in my head that said, this is no big deal, Joy, get over it. She reminded me that the crying was not only appropriate but my body's way of dealing with the trauma of what happened. She helped me keep my mouth shut when one of the nurses wrapped my shoulder so much it looked like the Michelin Man. Instead of being cold and rude, I just stared at my friend and we laughed with our eyes.

The doctors and nurses were funny and helpful and I was only at the hospital for just over 2 hours. They cleaned and dressed the abrasions, asked me lots of questions, gave me a Tetanus shot [note: I did NOT like that] and did a CAT scan which didn't show any damage. I got pushed the scan in a hospital bed and so pretended I was a queen and waved to everyone I passed as we went! I started to get nauseous the last few minutes we were there, so the doctor prescribed an anti-nausea medication that I could fill if it persists. After half a dozen calls for a ride, a good reminded that I have many people in my life to help, my next door neighbor answered and retrieved us and my bike.

Friday when I woke I was only mildly nauseous so I went to school. I felt mostly good all day. Saturday, however, the nausea was bad. Here's more good out of this: It was the day my church hosts a monthly meal for the hungry in Boise. I knew I wouldn't stay to help, but I showed up to settle who would cover for me. I didn't want to tell people what happened because I still felt embarrassed about it. When I got to church and told them, though, I cracked open and everyone jumped in to care for me. I was overwhelmed by the kindness and love these people showered on me! Someone took care of my position. Another friend who is also a nurse took me home and went to fill my prescription. Later, people brought my car home. I got a few emails when people had gotten back home. This morning the priest at church called to check on me. 

There is one more thing. Wednesday night, the night before the accident, my friend Doug, who passed away two weeks ago from cancer, visited me in a dream. He was so happy to see me and gave me a huge bear hug. He looked wonderful and happy. I imagine it was not a coincidence his visit was the night before this happened. I know that somehow Elmo (Doug) stepped in and helped me out. Maybe he stood in between me and the car, or maybe he gave everyone involved a cheerful disposition. Whatever he did, it worked.

Not only am I whole, with nothing broken, walking and talking and getting better each day, I know that I am loved, in a way I never would have known if this hadn't happened. It brings me so much joy to know that I am not alone, and joy to realize I don't feel alone. Though my family is in Texas, I am know without a doubt that I have an equally loving family here in Boise. Thank you to everyone and may God bless "Steve". It was terrible for me, but I bet it was worse for him.

ELMO! #beatcancer #Godisgood

I got to see this guy before I leave for the summer, my friend who's waging a war against cancer. He was looking and feeling great today. Thanks be to God! Keep praying for Elmo!

Friends who know I love grapes #goodfriendsknowyourfood

Some people came over for dinner and many, many were concerned about bringing something I can eat. I appears about half of them brought grapes! Who knew people noticed what I bring to potlucks!

Friends who don't let you flake out #runningisbetterthantherapy #friends

There shall be no excuses this morning. No "feeling rotten". No "I stayed up too late". No regret at 3 p.m. on 3 consecutive Saturdays for bailing on my friends.

With friends like this, who'd want to miss seeing them?

#361: Visiting my second parents

I got to visit my second parents today for the first time in years and years! They are the parents of my long time best friend and next-door neighbor for 20+ years.

My best friend, Amy (who lives elsewhere), with my brother:

Her parents and I, today:

My family moved in next door to them when I was 7. They know me as well as my own parents do; I think that just happens when you know someone day after day, month after month, year after year. What a treat to get to catch up and feel as comfortable with them as I did when they lived next door!

#360: Authentic Tex-Mex with an authentic friend

What is a not-to-miss when visiting Austin? TEX-MEX!!

And seeing this guy...whom I've known since high school. What's more amazing to me is that he knows me—the good, the bad, the wonderful—since I was 15 years old. I haven't seen him in years but for me, it was if no time had past. He is still the same funny, lighthearted, caring guy who always picks some obscure, awesome hole-in-the-wall restaurant he's always been. I'm so lucky to have a lifetime friend in him! Thank you, Josh!

#327: Healthy friends!

I always look forward to seeing friends when I come to Austin for a visit, but I am not creative about what we do: it always involves eating and talking [not that I usually mind very much, as these are two of my favorite things to do].

I had plans to get together with a friend of mine in town and I texted her yesterday in my usual "let's-get-together" manner:

As usual, I've been eating my way through a visit to Austin (though I'm realizing that I've been eating my way through much of life lately, but that's a different story), so even as I wrote this I was thinking I didn't really want to focus on the food but I couldn't come up with a better idea. [if you know Austin, just leave me alone. I realize there are about 4,290 things to do at any given time in this city, but I just had nothing.]

Luckily, my friend solved my problem AND got us meeting up:

Unfortunate that she has plantar fasciitis, but such a great idea! We met this morning and are meeting again tomorrow morning and running the Turkey Trot together on Thursday.

THEN, I got to the gym. Oh. My. Gosh. I could live there. Lifetime Fitness is amazing. There were lots of towels. And happy people. A yummy restaurant. A spa. 3 pools. A steam room. A sauna. Tons of classes. A humungous room of aerobic equipment. A humungous room of free weights. A yoga studio I only heard about.

Best of all, a good friend.

Two beautiful ladies making good choices!

Gratitude #233: Amazing people in my life

Especially this one. She was willing to have a birthday party with me, then she was willing to try this whacked-out silent disco thing at said party. Then we had all these fabulous people come together to help us put on this event and our friends who showed up and participated. Then some of them stayed to help us clean up.

I can't stop smiling this morning! Thank you thank you thank you all!

#209: The shortest drive

They wouldn't just put me on a bus to get to my hotel near Heathrow; my friend insisted on driving me the 2 hours from their house to deposit me in ready-position to get to the airport at 6:30 tomorrow morning. She also said it would take me all day and all night to get there by bus or train, but still...

And so we went to the beach during the day:

Ate the perfect meal at the perfect restaurant: 

Went back home, packed me up and drove to Heathrow, singing Roar by Katy Perry 3 times at the top of our lungs:

 The said a sad goodbye in front of the hotel:

I am so sad to leave, but can't wait to come back. We decided I'd come visit again next year after I finish MAET, where hopefully they can come on holiday to celebrate my graduation with me. I am so lucky to have such good friends!

#174: The generosity of friends

The Main Light at the Isle of May

I am here in St. Andrews with friends from Boise.  They were generous enough to offer me a bed in the house they rented for the family during the week of their daughter's graduation from St. Andrews.  Because of them, I am saving some money (okay, a LOT of money) but more meaningful to me is the sense of belonging I have being here with people I know.

And I get a taste of family.  We reunited for dinner last night: myself from sightseeing and the family from graduation.  It felt like home watching the family dynamics between brothers and sisters-in-law!  No swanky hotel room could replace that!

I would not have come to Scotland at all if it weren't for my friend suggesting I join them, and because I'm here I have walked the "Old Course";  seen what was once the largest cathedral in Scotland;  stood underground in the [no longer] Scottish Secret Bunker;  been attacked by nesting birds on the Isle of May; and tomorrow I'm going to visit a castle.  Oh, and I have 4 new friends in this family now, too. 

Thank you, friends!

An attacking bird

The Cathedral of St. Andrews. What's left of it that would fit in my screen.

#87: Friends that get you AND tell you the truth

Today I met with some friends and shared how I've been feeling lately.  What I thought I was saying was something like this: It is hard going through this being single business where I am learning to make God be my God rather than men, food, looking good, not being alone, not feeling bad, not feeling anxious, or eternally trying to figure out what about me I need to change


Afterwards a friend told me, essentially that I have a perception problem, there is nothing wrong with me or my life.  My perception of my life is the "glass-is-half-empty" version;  that I do amazing and good things, ie. lack of doing things are not my problem; that God does not work the way I think He does, and trying to make it so is causing most of my dis-easiness; and that I have been spinning my wheels lately and not getting anywhere because I'm not addressing the real problem, which is my perception that life is not giving me my fair share and that God has forgotten me.

Oh, I'm so grateful for these words!  I felt momentarily "caught", like I'd been found out, but it was quickly replaced with a sense of relief that washed through entire body.  She put words to exactly what I have been feeling lately.  It was a direct hit. 

And it was because she had the guts to tell me the truth as she saw it.  She changed my life today!  Thank goodness for those friends who are willing to tell us the truth, even if it might not be entirely palatable.

Blessing #45: A LOVE-ly day!

I went to lunch with my friend from high school and his friend, who are both running in the Austin Marathon in the morning.  He is the reason I signed up for the marathon in the first place (though I downgraded to the half because of lazy-lack-of-training-syndrome). 

We went to this great vegetarian place called Bouldin Creek Cafe, where we waited an hour for a table.  It was totally worth the wait!  The food was great, and I had healthy food I'm not allergic to that wasn't a burger for the first time in a restaurant.  Yay!

While we were waiting, we went inside to get drinks.  As we loitered near the bar with our teas in hand, I heard someone say, "Joy."  When I turned around, a friend we graduated from high school with was sitting there at the bar!  He ended up staying and eating with us and the whole meal was a blast.  What are the chances I would run into someone I graduated with, on the one weekend I'm in town, when I'm out with someone else I graduated with?

Totally worth the wait- for food and company!

Must be a God thing.

Or a glitch in the Matrix.

Anyways...afterwards we went to packet pickup, where I found my running shoes, Hoka One One's, for 60% off!!  SIXTY PER-CENT.  These are expensive shoes!  Woo Hoo!

To cap of a great day, my dad and I went to the UT/Texas Tech basketball game, which Texas won.  I got to stand and sing The Eyes of Texas (video obviously not the event I was attending, but you get the idea) played by the Texas Longhorn Band at the end of the game, which is one of my top 10 favorite things to do.

And I still have another day here!

My Valentine

Texas wins!

The Eyes of Texas to my right...

The Eyes of Texas to my left

Day 40: My enemies

By "enemies" I mean those people who don't like me and/or don't want to have anything to do with me, or the people it hurts so much to be around I more or less run away from, or anybody that has done something to me or said something to me that hurt me.  Or that I think has hurt me.


In the last few weeks I've encountered several such people.  Today I ran into a person with whom used to be super close.  She helped me get through my divorce and listened to me over and over again as I worked out how to deal with the anxiety that roared up during that time.  However, I did not reciprocate and really took advantage of her kindness and open ear.  I never called her unless I was in crisis and I rarely returned phone calls.  Eventually she told me she wasn't interested in being friends anymore because it was such a one-sided relationship.

Ouch.

Back in high school a friend told me directly that nobody wanted to hang out with me because I complain all the time. 

Ouch.

Another woman in Utah told me, "I hear a lot of blame in what you say."

Ouch.

An ex told me, "I hope you learn to let go some time in your life."

Ouch.

A boyfriend told me, "I just don't understand why you can't be happy."

You get the point.  All of these have context, of course, but these are the thoughts I have kept.  And they have been so helpful!!  Seriously, without my last relationship and it's demise, I would never be as free, happy and healthy as I am today.  Or sometimes when I get on a self-pity roll I hear my high school friend reminding me that I complain all the time and [I'd like to think that] I complain a little less after that.

There is an addendum to this gratitude that came out of running into my [former] friend today:

I have spent loads of energy keeping the back burner lit, always wondering what I could do or say to make things right with some of these people.  This is code for:  How can I make them like me?  I needed them to like me to be okay with myself, especially those that I thought knew me really well.  I actually listened to myself think the thought, he/she has seen all of me and doesn't like me, so there's no way I'm okay.

After seeing my former friend, I had a new thought:  What if the price I had to pay for seeing my poor friendship skills was her friendship?  Or the price I had to pay for the strength and healing I have experienced in the last 2 years was that last relationship?  Suddenly my perspective changed and my former friend moved from the back burner and out of my kitchen altogether.  Perhaps our mission in each other's lives has been completed, and that is okay.  Perhaps I'm okay, even without their approval.  

Blessing #36 for 2015: First Thursday in Boise!

Every month I tell myself gee, it would be so nice to go to First Thursday this month.  And almost every month I am so tired by Thursday night that monotonously go to the gym to home to dinner to the TV to bed.  It's very exciting (Later, by the way, I have been known to throw myself a pity party lamenting my lack of a social life).

Not so tonight.  A friend from church and I have been trying to get together for months.  When I realized we could do First Thursday (where business in downtown Boise stay open late; there is often free food and beverage, tasting and music) together I hesitated.  AGAIN.  "Poor me, I'll be tired.  I have to go to bed at 5:45 so I can get up and go to school (do you hear the world's smallest violin playing?).  I ignored my doubts and we made plans.

Turns out I looked forward to this all week!  It's so fun to have outings on school nights- I always feel like I'm going to get in trouble mixed with the excitement of getting to have a sleepover on a school night (which I got to do once when my friend's parents were out of town).

We met at Java and dove right in.  Within 30 minutes we were all caught up on our travels and adventures and fully engaged in lessons learned in the past few months and days.  We wandered around downtown.  We saw art, jewelry, tasted amazing olive oils and vinegars (at a place called Olivin), each had a bag of free fries from the Boise Fry Company and listened to a great band called Bread and Circus.  And I stayed out till almost 9 o'clock!  On a school night!

Being out with her reminds me of how much time I spend fretting and energy I expend [read: waste] managing and controlling my life to get all the boxes checked off my list so that I will be happy when really the happy is right now, in this very spot, in this very circumstance with these people.  Happy is not a goal I am striving for, it is a byproduct of living in this present with integrity and honesty.  I am so grateful I am able to be present with others but more importantly, with myself, today.

Blessing #20 - I was wrong.

I thought today was going to totally suck.

And it did, until 8:05 when school started.

Then it was AWESOME!

•  my students were great
• I felt awesome once I started teaching
• I got to have coffee with a friend after work
• I got to hang out with more friends at a fun meeting tonight
• And now I will be in bed by 8:50.

Blessing #2 of 2015

Cross country skiing with the girls up at Bogus.