#125: I CAN advocate for myself!!!

I may have had a meltdown on the way to work today.  Yes, again.  I have just dreaded going to work lately, and I tell myself that it's the time of the year (ask any teacher, they are D.U.N. Done.), or the school I'm at (not my fault! not my fault!) or that I'm in Boise and not Austin or Ireland or the International School in Rome.

Today I was telling a colleague about "the dread" and started crying again.  She asked me what specifically is so hard about work.  Without hesitation I told her the answer.  I hadn't realized until she asked what exactly was bothering me.

She said, "Joy.  Advocate for yourself."  Actually she said, "you have to advocate for yourself."  As in no one else is going to do it for me.  As in I am worth advocating for.  As in MY peace of mind counts as much as anyone else in the room. She also assured me that four weeks left of school is WAY too long to cry on your work every day.  In contrast, I'd been thinking, it's only four weeks, I can make it through.

We made a Google Doc, both furiously typing in subject headings: The problem; My hope; The solution.  We met with the party involved within the hour, and a solution is underway.   

Oh my gosh!  This requires bullets:

• I had seen the flow chart of advocating for myself, but had not experienced it at this level--the level where my well-being is enough to go out on a limb for.  I always assumed that other people getting their way was more important than what I want or need.
• She went with me into the conversation, so I got to see the behavior modeled.
• I got to continue that conversation later by myself, so I had instant practice.
• After the 1st talk, my energy was restored.  It's like an energetic leak was plugged.  
• I no longer feel dread about work tomorrow.
• Some demon was exorcised or deep wound healed by this.  I don't know how else to say it, but today was the day every cell in my body learned that I am absolutely worth fighting for.