Thursday, May 14, 2015

#133: Progress not perfection

Last night I was so unmotivated I just gave up and went to bed.  I got news yesterday that I let steal all the wind from my sails.  I couldn't [read: wouldn't] sit still long enough or dig deep enough to find something for which to be grateful. 

This morning, however, with the clearer vision of a good night's sleep, what I realize is that: I became a little depressed about something, which is normal, but without going into despair.  A year ago this news would devastate me for an entire month, and I would wallow my way through self-pity, hopelessness and worthlessness.  No More!

Instead, while I still felt icky, I went to the gym, made and ate real dinner, and took my bike to the shop as I had planned (even though I called to cancel, I changed my mind, resulting in two new shirts for 20 bucks each!).

I am a princess.  I am spoiled and have gotten my way for most of my life.  This felt pretty good as a kid, and even as an adult, but it was accompanied by a sense of entitlement to freedom from all feelings negative (negative defined as anything I didn't want to feel).  It also produces unwelcome side effects on marriages, relationships, friendships, jobs and my own sense of myself. 

And so, today, to be able to feel icky, only mildly wig out and to continue the tasks of the day, is an accomplishment.  It may sound small and it looks to me to be easy for the rest of you, but for me this is truly an accomplishment.

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